Opinion

Dante’s Inferno: New Principal

DANTE BRUICE

Staff Writer

Dr. Glazer is leaving this upcoming year. I think many are sad to see her leave us. She has been the only principal many of us have had at SM. As sad as I am that she is leaving, I’m excited to announce that I will be taking the chair where she once sat and I will be your new leader. I will turn this place into an empire. This will be my first shot at dictatorship. 

First thing I will do is make sure there is no tomfoolery on my campus. I talked to Luke Sheffey about his expectations for the upcoming school year and he said, “I just want the most thrilling coolest experience possible. If that means that we have to commit tomfoolery then that is game on!”

Well, Luke needs to understand there is no tomfoolery allowed but he will learn pretty soon. To make sure we make this campus and school secure and safe, I have hired four copss, one for each corner of the school so nobody can leave campus from 8:30-2:08. I have made it my number one priority to make sure everyone is safe, secure, and feels the power of me. I talked to Declan McClintock and asked him what he thought about me and my leadership. 

He said, “Well Dante, you have always been a dictator and you are the perfect fit to lead this school to be the greatest school possible.”

I will give out gold stars to the kids that don’t commit tomfoolery every Friday afternoon and those who do not get a gold star will have to run stadiums during lunch. I don’t make the rules, wait yeah I do. You trouble makers will be punished by me. I will also make sure you people call me Dr. Dante. And if you do not comply then there will be consequences. There will be better food served at lunch such as ribeyes and tri-tip. It will satisfy your taste buds and be a good treat between your classes. I have made the further step to fire substitute teachers, as they make the class a difficult environment by not knowing what to do and pretending like they do. It would be easier to do tasks with a student run class than a sub pretending to know what to do.

I will be the best upgrade this school has ever gotten and I will prove it to every one of you. Even Robert Reyes said that my dictatorship would be unstoppable and he can’t wait for us to rule the school together. I cannot wait to tell all of you what to do next year. HECK. YEAH. ROYALS.

DANTE BRUICE

Staff Writer

Categories: Opinion