Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. What does that have to do with Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail? How did a bunny come to symbolize Easter? Instead of doing any actual research into this subject, I will just let you know that this is dumb. Why a bunny? There are so many better animals to choose, but even choosing an animal was not a necessity. There is no uniform symbol or mascot for Halloween, so why does Easter have to have one? Seriously though, bunnies are not that cute and cuddly. They are kinda terrifying. Possibly my personal vendetta against rabbits may be fueling this article…but they are gross and should not be celebrated, or chosen to be the representative for this holiday.
Logistically speaking, how would a teeny little bunny be able to carry eggs and chocolate and baskets to a ton of houses? If your answer to that query is magic, just no. On average a bunny weighs six pounds. That is not very much. A basket filled with goodies probably weighs around ten pounds. Multiply that number by the number of households that the “Easter Bunny” visits and you get a lot of baskets weighing a lot of pounds. Unless it was working out a ton, a bunny would not be able to carry all that weight, and unlike Santa, the Easter Bunny does not have a sleigh.
The Easter Bunny is known to go around laying chocolate eggs. However, bunnies cannot lay eggs! In response to this scientific oversight, the “Easter Chick” was created, but never gained the same popularity as that infamous bunny. As we all know, the so-called “Easter Chick” is not real, so how can we explain the chocolate eggs? A Sophomore who filled out the survey agreed saying, “There is no way a bunny goes around dropping eggs on the floor.” I think this person might have been confused about the origins of said eggs (being laid by the bunny), but they understand how weird this story is. The entire lore of the Easter Bunny is that it lays eggs for children, but since it cannot do that, the eggs obviously do not come from the Easter Bunny.
Several people admitted to catching their parents in the act as the Easter Bunny. A Junior said, “I saw my mom put the candy out man. It’s over.” I know this must have been a harsh reality to face, but often the hard things in life are the most necessary. It is very sad to see trusted adults in our lives mercilessly impersonating holiday characters, but since the characters themselves do not exist, who else would give out the candy? Not to say that candy is the most important part of Easter, but it certainly does not hurt.
According to one survey responder, “In Ms. Tilton’s classroom lies Loki, the Easter bunny, a talented little fella. He may not look it at first, but if you ask me, he is definitely the Easter bunny, spreading joy to the chemistry students.” What about all the people who do not take chemistry? This sounds discriminatory to me. If Loki is indeed the Easter Bunny (which he is not, since the Easter Bunny is not real) then should he be canceled? Will all these articles devolve into me canceling holiday characters? #canceltheEasterBunnyforbeingachemist
Apparently some of you were confused while filling out the survey. There were multiple responses talking about Santa. Huh? I understand that all the Santa slander may have been hard to process, but it is April, get over it. Additionally, the form clearly states “is the Easter Bunny real.” The words Easter Bunny and Santa are pretty hard to get confused….and yet there seemed to be confusion.
Thank you to everyone who filled out the form, but I have to say that I am very disappointed in everyone. 56.3% of responders think the Easter Bunny is real. On the other hand, 43.8% know the truth, that the Easter Bunny is just some marketing scam made to terrorize children. While the majority of you are clearly deluded, a larger percentage than I had hoped for are in the know. Also, (honorable mention!!) thank you to the person who said they killed the Easter Bunny in their backyard. I know that you did not, because said bunny does not exist to be killed, but thank you for ridding the world of another random rabbit; we do not need vermin like that in our lives.
The Easter Bunny simply is not real due to the impossibility of the logistics, the fact that it cannot lay eggs (which defeats its entire purpose), people have seen their parents putting out candy, because bunnies are scary, and because it would be canceled if it was in fact real. If you think otherwise, hop away down your fake bunny trail Peter Cottontail.
