Look to Lance

SM King’s Page Staff

Dear Lance, 

I find myself getting very sad during these cold winter months. What do you suggest I do to keep myself warm and happy? 

Sincerely, Seasonally Sad Subscriber

Dear Seasonally Sad Subscriber, 

When even my thick, luscious mane can’t keep me cozy, I like to warm my paws by the fire while I chug copious amounts of hot cocoa. I would suggest lighting a fire, doesn’t matter where or when, and drinking yourself silly on the sweet sweet cocoa (note: marshmallows optimize warmth). Rinse and repeat this process until you are either no longer cold and sad, or until there is nothing left to set on fire and no more cocoa to consume.

Sincerely,

Lance

Dear Lance, 

Every year, my Grandma gives me the ugliest sweater ever. Each one is uglier than the last, and honestly, this Christmas I’m scared that she is just going to hand me a trash bag with tinsel sewed onto it. What can I do without hurting her feelings? (P.S. she is very old and very weak and will die if I make her sad) 

Sincerely, 

Egregiously Dressed Grandson

Dear Egregiously Dressed Grandson,

As a lion, I am the king of the savannah. As the king I am loud and proud and you should be too! Although the sweaters are ugly your grandma cares about you and you should wear it to show that you do too. You can wear it for a single day and throw it away the next morning. She’ll probably forget about it anyways.

Sincerely,

Lance

Dear Lance,

I think my secret santa has a crush on me! How do I know who it is?!?

Sincerely, 

Gift Receiving Gal

Assumably Admired Adolescent 

Dear Admired Adolescent,

Sounds like it’s time to investigate!  Now, I have enhanced senses of smell, sight, and sound which, unfortunately, you and your inferior human race do not share. However, you can still examine all the clues at hand and figure out who this potential suitor is. If notes are included in the gifts you’ve received, look closely at the handwriting and see if it’s familiar to any style you’ve seen before. When you opened the present, did you notice any person looking at your reaction particularly hard? Little things like that can help you narrow down the suspects of who your secret santa is.

Sincerely,

Lance

Dear Lance,

I have a crush on my secret Santa but I don’t know what to get them to try and let them know. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Gift Giving Gal

Dear Gift Giving Gal,

You can give them subtle hints to let them know it’s you. You can leave notes that say something you would say, and maybe they’ll recognize your handwriting. You should also watch their reaction when they open it. They could be looking for people watching them. If they don’t find out it’s you should just tell them how you feel!


4E262213-C3CB-4A53-99F1-32E2AE8277D9Sam Hanrahan

STAFF WRITER


Untitled (Billboard (Square) - 1080 x 1080 px) (1)Caden Semenza

STAFF WRITER