Look To Lance is a monthly advice column featured in The King’s Page. All questions and answers are 100% anonymous. For advice on friendships, relationships, school, food, fashion, or anything else, drop a question in Lance’s askbox at thekingspage.com.
I’m feeling stuck and trapped. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend not too long ago but he’s obviously having a harder time coping than I am. I’m not a mean person, so I don’t want to ghost him, but at the same time he’s clinging to every single text I send and still comes to my house. How do I get rid of him?
Sincerely,
Annoyed Girlfriend
Hey there,
It sounds like you are going through a tough time with your ex. It is hard to tell people no sometimes, but your boundaries and your happiness are more important than making a toxic person happy. I would suggest that if you cannot get away from your ex-boyfriend, cold turkey, then slowly detach yourself from his grip so that he does not notice when you slip away. You wrote that he still comes to your house. If he still has a key, make sure you get that back. You do not want to deal with the aftermath of unforeseen retaliation, and much less breaking and entering. I have been there, and it is not fun. In terms of texting, block his number as soon as you can. Block his social media, too, once he does not act as clingy. Give him only one source of communication with you, and—this is the important thing—do not check that source as often as you do others. If you need a burner email, get one. Tell him it is your private email for your closest friends, and give it to two of your best friends that you trust so they can back you if he asks. But the trick is to barely, then never check it until he gives up on trying to contact you. I know, it sounds kind of cold, but it works. Hang in there!
My family has been getting on my nerves ever since quarantine started, and I know it’s only going to get worse come Thanksgiving. If it’s not my parents yelling at me to come do the dishes, it’s my siblings running into my room and destroying things. How do I fix this before we have more family come over?
Sincerely,
Overwhelmed Oldest Sibling
Hey there,
Sounds like you have a lively, fast-moving family! I can see why you would be overwhelmed. Even if you love them to bits, everyone needs some personal space from their family sometimes. If you have a free moment with a parent, talk to them about how you feel, and explain that you would like to have a break from all the excitement. Creating a family schedule might work well for you all, whether on a whiteboard or with an app or even in a group chat where you can inform each other about upcoming events and add each others’ activities to each of your calendars. I do not know how old your siblings are, but they sound pretty young. Talk to a parent you trust about getting a lock on your door, if you have your own room and do not have a lock already. If you do not have your own room, consider getting a partition or a curtain in the room you share with your sibling(s) and/or parent(s) so you can still have your own little section. I have a brother and we try to stay out of each other’s stuff as much as possible, but I understand that it gets hard sometimes. Take care!
My friends all have over 5K followers on TikTok and I’m not even sure how to get started. I wasn’t really interested in having one last year, but now I feel like I’m missing out. I want to be noticed but I’m not sure what’s cool right now. So how do I become Tik Tok famous, anyway? Asking for myself, of course.
Sincerely,
Wannabe Charli
Hey there,
If you want to be the next Charli D’Amelio, you have big shoes to fill, my friend. Worry not, however. I am clearly no TikTok expert, but I do have a few tips that anyone would do well to follow.
- There are different “sections” of TikTok and it may take you a little while to find your ideal community. You may have heard of “Straight TikTok,” which is where the big names like Charli D’Amelio (see also: Addison Rae, Lil Huddy, etc.) typically reside. Its #1 rival is “Alt TikTok,” also known as “Gay TikTok”, or, occasionally, “Elite TikTok.” Some of the smaller subsets include “Baddie TikTok,” which tends to offer advice, life hacks, and beauty routine secrets, “Book/Bookish TikTok,” which serves as a video-based book club and review platform; and, according to Bustle, here are some other, less-well-known TikTok sections, “FoodieTok, Medical Mystery TikTok, DisneyTok, Homestead/Cottage-core TikTok, Renovation & Clean-Up TikTok, Frog-Tok, Paranormal TikTok, Conspiracy GlitchTok, Mom TikTok, Art TikTok, Mental Health TikTok, and Nostalgia TikTok.” That is a lot of options and opportunities to find your people!
- If you are planning on doing a scripted TikTok, or a POV (point of view), make sure you have everything you need first. (Whether that means digging through your closet for the right clothes, borrowing some makeup or accessories from a sibling or parent or friend, or even just setting up your LED lamp.) You do not want to be caught off guard realizing you forgot your chains or your grill in the middle of a great take.
- Captions are everything. Usually, creators closed-caption (or “cc”) their TikToks after creating them. You can play around with the fonts and colors and even create “buttons” in different colors, which is wildly popular, especially in POVs where the creator “chooses” different activities by reaching their arm up and “clicking the button.” (For example, “choose what your soulmate buys for the day” POVs usually involve certain purchases, i.e. “car” and “bike,” or “pizza” and “burrito” being written in the same color. When a choice is selected, the subject of the POV will “click” it, and the selected choice will be highlighted in green, while the choice not picked will be highlighted in red.)
- Lastly, have fun with your own original ideas. Do not worry about following all the trends. If you want to find popular sounds, you can usually search for them. The most important thing is make the most of what you do on TikTok by adding your own personal touch to whatever you create and constantly posting new content, and the rest will come naturally. Good luck and have fun!
