San Marcos High School ~ Santa Barbara, CA

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Jem the Gem

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Stunner Jeremy Strand posing for King’s Page photoshoot

The natural phenomenon of students (stronger than men) (6 ‘8” by the way) that attend tests in the same classroom as Jeremiah Strand is a wild one. Everyone knows of Strand’s existence, calling him names like the ‘Prophet of Rizz’ and the ‘Hottest Man On Campus.’ But those who have had classes with him hate it, as his good looks and charming persona is a great distraction during class, especially for women, but a few men as well. 

AAPLE has done research on this phenomenon with the help of math teacher Mr. Donnell. They conducted two different experiments, making a classroom full of students take a test, one with Strand in the room, and one without him (these tests were the exact same as each other). They noticed a tremendous increase in the score to all of the women when Strand was not present. 

“It’s amazing how big of a distraction Jeremy is to the other kids, his rizz levels are off the charts!” said Mr. Donnell. “I wonder how many people struggle with this on a daily basis?”

 The women seemed to be way more locked-in when working without Strand as a distraction. Due to this drastic increase in scores the counselors at San Marcos have banded together to get Strand in classes of his own. Strand will be in his own classes at the start of next school year. Strand thinks that this will halt his learning as he prefers classes with many other students around him. 


Jeremy Strand models

“This sucks, none of my teachers are even bad, I can’t goon during class anymore!” said Strand. 

Although this does prevent him from learning as well as he could, it helps more by improving others learning by taking Strand out of the equation completely. This does help the students, but some complain because they enjoy looking at Strand. 

“The only reason I go to my classes happy is because Jeremy is in them with me,” said person. 

This is in fact a valid reason to go to class, however you can’t argue against the counselors.

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About the Contributor
Cole Heckman
Cole Heckman, Staff Writer
Cole is a 11th grade at San Marcos Senior High School. He joined the King’s Page January 2024. He is a multi-sport varsity athlete with the fifth fastest three-mile time in San Marcos Freshman history. He enjoys surfing and hanging out with his buddies outside of school. He also loves playing and listening to music, usually consisting of the Indy genre.
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